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1. |
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It's that time of year again
When people are feeling great
But I don't like to be happy
Tis the season to hate
So I won't join hands or sing and dance
No thank you, I will pass
Take you're Merry Christmas
And shove it up your ass
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck Silent Night
Fuck Christmas trees
Fuck carol singers too
Fuck joy to the world
And fuck yule logs
And Cliff Richard, fuck you
The shops are full of utter shite
That you'll never need
And the TVs packed with adverts
That make my poor eyes bleed
It all starts earlier every year
And goes on far too long
And I really hate those Christmas tunes
I don't even like this song
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck Silent Night
Fuck Christmas trees
Fuck carol singers too
Fuck joy to the world
And fuck yule logs
And Cliff Richard, fuck you
Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la
Fuck you!
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck turkey
Fuck shepherds
Fuck the church bells too
Fuck angels
And fuck snowmen
And Noddy Holder, fuck you
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck Jingle Bells
Fuck mistletoe
Fuck the Queen's speech too
Fuck Christmas pudding
And fuck Rudolph
And Shakin' Stevens, fuck you
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck James Bond films
Fuck Santa's elves
Fuck decorations too
Fuck the three wise men
And fuck the snow
And Roy Wood And Wizzard, fuck you
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
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2. |
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At the North Pole
On Christmas eve
There was an asshole
And his name was Steve
He was a small guy
Couldn't handle his beer
Took the sleigh for a drive
But he couldn't steer
Just then Santa came out to see
What was all the noise
Steve swerved to miss a tree
Now there's no one left to deliver the toys
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
You'll all be disappointed
When you get out of bed
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
There's absolutely nothing left
Of his head
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
You'll all be disappointed
When you get out of bed
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
There's absolutely nothing left
Of his head
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa Claus is dead
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3. |
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I've got a twenty year old Christmas tree
All my decorations are smashed
One piece of tinsel and a broken star
And my lights don't even flash
I buy all my presents from the one pound shop
And I never wrap them up
Zero effort and even less thought
It's Christmas and I suck
And everyone knows
I give all the kids clothes
And I don't give a shit
If they don't even fit
I suck at Christmas
Stay in bed cos it's no big deal
At Christmas
Have a pot noodle for my Christmas meal
At Christmas
Getting drunk is all I want to do
At Christmas
There's holes in my stocking and Santa suit
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
I suck at Christmas
Stay in bed cos it's no big deal
At Christmas
Have a pot noodle for my Christmas meal
At Christmas
Getting drunk is all I want to do
At Christmas
There's holes in my stocking and Santa suit
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
Set fire to the chimney, watch Santa fry
At Christmas
Shout at the kids and make them cry
At Christmas
Ebeneezer Scrooge is my hero
At Christmas
You can kiss my ass under the mistletoe
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
And I pretty much suck all the rest of the year as well
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4. |
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5. |
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6. |
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7. |
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8. |
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It's that time of year again
When people are feeling great
But I don't like to be happy
Tis the season to hate
So I won't join hands or sing and dance
No thank you, I will pass
Take you're Merry Christmas
And shove it up your ass
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck Silent Night
Fuck Christmas trees
Fuck carol singers too
Fuck joy to the world
And fuck yule logs
And Cliff Richard, fuck you
The shops are full of utter shite
That you'll never need
And the TVs packed with adverts
That make my poor eyes bleed
It all starts earlier every year
And goes on far too long
And I really hate those Christmas tunes
I don't even like this song
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck Silent Night
Fuck Christmas trees
Fuck carol singers too
Fuck joy to the world
And fuck yule logs
And Cliff Richard, fuck you
Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la
Fuck you!
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
Fuck turkey
Fuck shepherds
Fuck the church bells too
Fuck angels
And fuck snowmen
And Noddy Holder, fuck you
Fuck Jingle Bells
Fuck mistletoe
Fuck the Queen's speech too
Fuck Christmas pudding
And fuck Rudolph
And Shakin' Stevens, fuck you
Fuck James Bond films
Fuck Santa's elves
Fuck decorations too
Fuck the three wise men
And fuck the snow
And Roy Wood And Wizzard, fuck you
Fuck Christmas
Fuck Santa Claus
Fuck his reindeer too
Fuck peace and love
And fuck goodwill
May none of you're dreams come true
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9. |
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At the North Pole
On Christmas eve
There was an asshole
And his name was Steve
He was a small guy
Couldn't handle his beer
Took the sleigh for a drive
But he couldn't steer
Just then Santa came out to see
What was all the noise
Steve swerved to miss a tree
Now there's no one left to deliver the toys
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
You'll all be disappointed
When you get out of bed
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
There's absolutely nothing left
Of his head
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
You'll all be disappointed
When you get out of bed
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
There's absolutely nothing left
Of his head
Santa's dead, Santa's dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa Claus is dead
Santa Claus is dead
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10. |
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I've got a twenty year old Christmas tree
All my decorations are smashed
One piece of tinsel and a broken star
And my lights don't even flash
I buy all my presents from the one pound shop
And I never wrap them up
Zero effort and even less thought
It's Christmas and I suck
And everyone knows
I give all the kids clothes
And I don't give a shit
If they don't even fit
I suck at Christmas
Stay in bed cos it's no big deal
At Christmas
Have a pot noodle for my Christmas meal
At Christmas
Getting drunk is all I want to do
At Christmas
There's holes in my stocking and Santa suit
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
I suck at Christmas
Stay in bed cos it's no big deal
At Christmas
Have a pot noodle for my Christmas meal
At Christmas
Getting drunk is all I want to do
At Christmas
There's holes in my stocking and Santa suit
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
Set fire to the chimney, watch Santa fry
At Christmas
Shout at the kids and make them cry
At Christmas
Ebeneezer Scrooge is my hero
At Christmas
You can kiss my ass under the mistletoe
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
I always suck, I always suck at Christmas
And I pretty much suck all the rest of the year as well
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Well, this was inevitable. As some of the tracks had already been fixed/remixed on their original albums, there was no point leaving the rest undone. Again, still shite but better shite! Fuck Christmas and a crappy New Year!
released December 1, 2023
